How To Be Honest

I've grown so accustomed to keeping things in my life a secret that it's overwhelming me. And I'm really trying to open up SOMEWHERE to maybe help myself. I figure it's a start.

I'll most definetly have to start actually talking to people when something is bothering me. Regardless of consequences.

Here's some stuff that's been on my mind lately.Things that I wish I could say to people.

#1 I find it really rude to be listening to your iPod when you are in someone else's car because "you don't like the music that we listen to". We just put up with your shit in your car. You will put up with my shit when you are in my car. ESPECIALLY when it is a song that my friend wrote to me to calm me down when I was angry and on the edge.

#2 I tell you things because they mean something to me. Don't tell me you don't care. It makes me shut down and want to run away from you. Don't tell me that it's a no big deal. If I'm making a fuss about it--then it's some sort of deal to me. If you don't care about what I have to say then why would I care about what you have to say?

#3 I really wish that we had more time together. Just the two of us. Too many people are trying to think and make decisions for us and it's making it hard for me to focus on you with my own eyes. I love you but not I'm afraid that it means less than I thought it did. And now I've got the idea in my head that you are too good for me and you deserve better. I am really selfish enough to say that I don't care because I love you, but I wonder if you see it that way sometimes.

#4 I admire your strength and your motivation. I wish I could have a drive like that.

#5 I am afraid that one day I will get the call that I've dreaded for years--the call informing me that you are dead. I'm dead afraid that you are going to take your life and I will lose you forever. I've lost you three times already. Don't make the separation permanent. Not yet. You have dreams to live up to. You're going be famous. I want to see you rise to the top, not sink to the bottom.

Don't let her be the death of you. She's a whore.

#6 I felt a little awkward today when I saw you. I only wished that we could go back to our friendship. But I am thankful that I saw you. It made my day that I actually got to talk to your face, rather than your screen name or facebook chat box.I didn't want to leave. Not with out a hug. I didn't want to say goodbye. Will I see you again before you leave? I've already lost you too. Don't leave me without a proper goodbye. Not after everything we gained and lost together

#7 Why do you have to make everything so difficult? I just wanted to go forget the world with my friends.


YAWN....more later. I'm beat.

<3 Always
Just me