Suicidal Bliss

Have any of you ever thought about commiting suicide? It's not a pleasant thought. It's not a pleasant place to be if you are feeling that low. Well, I am feeling that low. No, I am not going to attempt suicide (again). I'm just merely saying that I need help. It's okay. I am getting it. Soon. I think. I am strong enough to find ways around this horrendous action.

I just feel very low on the ladder here. Like, it feels like I once ruled the world. I had everything under control. I was someone special. I became someone special. Once.

Once upon a time.

Not this life. No.

Here I am once of a million people trying to be unique and make it in this world. I could be anything I want to be, they say. Of course I can.

...LIES....

Not when you're like me. Never. It won't happen for me. I am supposed to be a shadow. It's what I've been for centuries. Just something left over from the past. My soul is ancient and you know what? I am so exhausted from living that I would really just love to go home and STAY home now.

Anyone know where I can catch the next train to Home? Plane? Bus?....Elevator?

I've lost hope.
I've lost a lot. In this life. And in others. Will there be more? Am I destined to come back? Because I will kill myself next time. I will succeed then. And I will find something to hold on to for dear...death and make sure I never have to come back to this wretched, dying earth every again.

Sound depressing enough yet? Try living in my head and pretending to be optimistic for the sake of what's left of your sanity and for those around you. It's exhausting and I have no where else to release this negative energy. Except for in a vial of poison. But where would I get one of those........

Moving on.

I wish it was Halloween. If my plans are messed up..I will die a little more inside than I already am...if that is possible.

Happy Almost Halloween.

I am out for now. I know I didn't explain anything. No reasons why I feel this way, no updates. This just is. Take it however you want.

Just don't judge me